The Melrose's Mullet Mock NFL Draft

I know all of you have been waiting for this and here it is: our mock draft.

1. Lions – Shane Falco, QB (The Replacements). The Lions are going quarterback with the #1 pick, and since they are the Lions, they will pick a guy worse than Joey Harrington.
2. Rams – Billy Bob, OL (Varsity Blues). The Rams need to bolster their offensive line, and adding Billy Bob at guard should give Stephen Jackson more holes to run through.
3. Kansas City – Jumbo, OT (The Replacements). The Chiefs add a big left tackle to protect Matt Cassel’s blind side.
4. Seattle – Ronnie Bass, QB (Remember the Titans). With Matt Hasselbeck getting up there in age, the Seahawks get his eventual replacement. Bass has a strong arm, but has had some issues pitching the ball
5. Cleveland - Charlie Tweeder, WR (Varsity Blues). The Browns add a sure handed receiver to play with Braylon 'rock hands' Edwards. Then Tweeder will drink some beer.
6. Cincinnati - Jamal and Andre Jackson, OG (The Replacements). These brothers come as a package deal and should be a great help to Cincinnati’s awful O-Line. They should fit right in with the rest of the team as well.
7. Oakland – Forrest Gump, KR (Forrest Gump). We all know that Al Davis loves him some fast players and there is no one faster than Forrest Gump. While he may not be able to play receiver right away, he should be able to be the best kick returner in the league immediately. Even though he isn’t a smart man, he knows how to play football.
8. Jacksonville Jaguars – Jonathan Moxin, QB (Varsity Blues). Garrard is in his 30s and struggled last season. Moxin can watch a year or two from the bench before taking over the starting job.
9. Green Bay Packers – Bobby Boucher, ILB/OLB (The Waterboy). With the Packers switching to the 3-4, they need to bolster their linebacker core. Boucher can play both ILB and OLB, will be a menace to block and will provide the team with high quality H20.
10. San Francisco 49ers – Luther Lavay, OLB (Any Given Sunday). The 49ers need a pass rusher and Lavay is one of the top pass rushers in the draft.
11. Buffalo Bills – Wendell Brown, RB (Varsity Blues). With Marshawn in legal trouble, the Bills snag a very good running back here. Brown will carry the team inside the 10 and then Trent Edwards will get them to the endzone.
12. Denver Broncos – Steve Lattimer, DE/DT (The Program). Lattimer is a freak that can anchor a 3-4 defense. He could go top 5, but because of possible off field issues, he drops here.
13. Washington Redskins – Willie Beamen, QB (Any Given Sunday). Not impressed with Jason Campbell so far, the Redskins draft another QB. Beamen is a playmaker but his ego tends to get a bit inflated and he can’t read a playbook.
14. New Orleans Saints – Petey Jones, DB (Remember the Titans). The Saints desperately need defensive help and Petey can come in and provide that. His ego grows with each play he makes, but he will quit on the team if he gets called for holding.
15. Houston Texans – Julius Campbell, DE (Remember the Titans). Campbell should provide an imposing presence opposite of Mario Williams. STRONG SIDE!
16. San Diego Chargers – Ivory Christian, DE (Friday Night Lights). Christian is a huge upgrade to the Chargers defensive line.
17. New York Jets – Rico Dynamite, QB (Napoleon Dynamite). Had the Jets had Rico in the 4th quarter, they would have division champions. No doubt in my mind.
18. Denver Broncos – Daniel Bateman, LB (The Replacements). The Broncos need an ILB for their 3-4 and Bateman is a smart football player, similar to Tedy Bruschi.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Paul Crewe, QB (The Longest Yard). In need of QB, the Bucs take the man that led an improbable upset over the guards. If Crewe can get a work release from prison, he is a great pick here.
20. Detroit Lions – Louie Lastik, OL (Remember the Titans). They got their QB with the first pick, now they pick up a lineman to help protect him.
21. Philadelphia Eagles – Brian Murphy, TE (The Replacements). The Eagles add a playmaker for McNabb. McNabb won’t have to worry about his new TE throwing him under the bus because he doesn’t say a whole lot.
22. Minnesota Vikings – Rod Tidwell, WR (Jerry Maguire). Tidwell gives the Vikings a reliable receiver, as long as the show him the money.
23. New England Patriots - Charles Jefferson, LB (Fast Times at Ridgemont High). Jefferson replaces Mike Vrabel at OLB and Bill Belichick is working on getting Jeff Spicoli to destroy Jefferson’s car and blame it on the Jets.
24. Atlanta Falcons - Andre Krimm, DL (Necessary Roughness). Good value pick for the Falcons here. Krimm gives them good depth on the defensive line and he can be the team tutor.
25. Miami Dolphins - Alvin Mack, LB (The Program). Mack could have gone in the top half of the draft, but falls this far because of injury problems. If he is healthy, it’s a great pick for Miami
26. Baltimore Ravens - Deacon Moss, WR (The Longest Yard). Baltimore gives Joe Flacco another receiver to stare down.
27. Indianapolis Colts – Darnell Jefferson, RB (The Program). With Addai disappointing the last couple of seasons, the Colts address their need at RB. Jefferson has a lot of upside and could be a star in the NFL
28. Buffalo Bills – Bud Light, OL (The Program). Buffalo’s overhaul of their offensive line continues. Bud Light should be able to come in and play LT right away.
29. New York Giants - Daniel Ruetigger, LB/DE (Rudy). Just because the Giants fucking would.
30. Tennessee Titans – Stefan Djordevic, CB (All the Right Moves). While very talented, Djordevic falls almost out of the first round because he is only five feet tall.
31. Arizona Cardinals – Julian Washington, RB (Any Given Sunday). The Cardinals had the corpse of Edgerrin James at running back last season. Washington going to Arizona gives the Cards one of the best offenses in the NFL.
32. Pittsburgh Steelers – Manumana, C (Necessary Roughness). The only knock on the Steelers last season was that their offensive line sucked. Manumana helps shore it up and keep Roethlisberger on his feet.

Ana Ivanovic

It's a sad day today here at Melrose's Mullet. Waking up this morning I was severely upset over the news that Ana Ivanovic lost at the Australian Open this morning. This means I can't look at her smokin body (cough..fashion) and seeing her play. Having a huge crush on her, I realize there is only one way to get over my tears and that is to post these cute pictures of her looking hot as hell. The great part about her is that she is only two years older than I. Enjoy the beauty that is Ana:

Greatest Russian Hockey Players of All the Times

Long have Russian players had an effect on the game of hockey. Since the power house Olympic teams of the mid 1900's to the great Red Army to the players defecting to the NHL in the late 1980's there have always been dominant hockey players from Mother Russia. Here is my list of the 10 greatest Russian Born Players to ever play the game of Hockey:

10) Pavel Bure


One of the fastest players ever to play the game of hockey. Had a natural scoring ability that led to him leading the NHL in scoring three times. Won the Calder Trophy in 1992 and was nicknamed "The Russian Rocket." Holds franchise records for both the Vancouver Canucks and Florida Panthers.

9) Alexander Ovechkin


Has already made an immediate impact on the NHL. Won the Calder Trophy as Rookie of the Year in 2006. In 2008 became the first player ever to win the Rocket Richard, Art Ross, Lester B. Pearson, and the Hart Memorial Trophies in the same year. Has the record for most goals in a season with 65. When he retires he will be much higher on this list.

8) Aleksandr Maltsev


The all-time leader in international goals for Russians with 213. Won two Olympic Gold Medals during the 1970's. After being a six time Soviet All-star, he was inducted to the IIHF in 1999.

7) Alexander Mogilny


After defecting to the NHL in 1989, the first Russian to do so, Mogilny had an immediate impact. Scored 76 goals in 77 games in the 1992-93 season. Won an Olympic Gold medal in 1988 and a Stanley Cup in 2000. He retired as the second leading scorer for a Russian Born player. Also he wore number 89, cant go wrong with a dude who wears that.

6) Valery Kharlamov


Gained fame for his amazing play at the 1972 Summit Series against Canada, and went on to win two Olympic Gold Medals. One of six players to be voted to the IIHF Team of the Century. Tragically his playing career was cut short when he died in a car crash at the age of 33.

5) Boris Mikhailov


Long time captain of the Soviet National team, won two gold medals at the Olympics with his stellar play. In the Soviet League play he scored a total of 427 goals in only 572 games. Also a two time Soviet MVP.

4) Igor Larinov

One of the first players from Russia to defect to the NHL, was part of the great "Russian Five" line that helped Detroit win back to back Stanley Cups. One of only two players ever to win gold at the Olympics, World Championships, Canada Cup, World Junior Championships, and a Stanley Cup.

3) Viacheslav Fetisov

From winning Gold medals to two Stanley Cups, Fetisov has been an instrumental part of hockey. One of the first Russian players to defect to the NHL. Back in his prime, people referred to him as the Russian Bobby Orr.

2) Sergei Fedorov

Three time Stanley Cup trophy winner, Hart Memorial winner in 1994, two time Frank J. Selke winner, first Russian to score 1000 points in the NHL, most goals scored in the NHL by a Russian and he hooked up with Anna Kournikova, need I say more?

1) Vladislav Tretiak


Back stopped the Olympic team to three gold medals and a silver as well as 9 gold medals at the World Championships. Greatest goaltender to ever play the game.

Welcome to Melrose's Mullet

Welcome to Melrose's Mullet, named after the great Barry Melrose. The authors will be myself, Butters and my friend Twister. Topics will be whatever the hell we feel like writing about (ranging my UMaine sports to Erin Andrews). As a thank you for reading this shitty post, here is a picture of Maine native, the glorious Erin Andrews: