Melrose's Mullet

Jersey Shore Drinking Game

2010-08-01T14:29:00.002-04:00

With all this hype and marketing of the season premiere of the new season of Jersey Shore that debuted this past thursday, which by the way had 5.3 Million Viewers!!, I thought I chime in with my two cents and offer up the great Jersey Shore Drinking Game.

Rule #1: Anytime the word "Situation" is said.

Rule #2: Anytime there is Fist-pumping.

Rule #3: Anytime there is a reference to grenades, land mines, etc.

Rule #4: Anytime nicknames are used, snooki, snickers, sammi sweetheart, jwoww, etc.

Rule #5: Anytime a form of the word creep is said.

Rule #6: Anytime G.T.L. is said.

Rule #7: Anytime Ronnie says Bro.

Rule #8: Anytime guido/guidette is referenced.

Rule #9: When someone goes to jail.

Rule #10: Anytime Snooki gets punched in the face.

Below are some great clips of the show, check em out.

NHL Awards

2010-06-21T19:26:00.004-04:00

With the NHL Awards Show set to take place on Wednesday, I figured I chime in with my predictions as well as who will actually win.

Vezina Award:

The winner should be, Ilya Bryzgalov because of the year he had with Phoenix. No one expected anything from them this year, they made it to a game 7 against the defending Western conference champions, and doing so without a top point getter. This team was turribly bad in the goal scoring department. Ilya was their backbone all year long.

The winner is going to be Ryan Miller because he had a hot start to the year putting his name even into the MVP discussion, but he really is going to win because he helped an underdog USA team to the silver medal, and was named MVP of the Olympic tournament. It is really stupid he is going to win for play that has no effect on NHL stats.

Frank J. Selke Award: (personally I think they should change this to the Sergei Federov Trophy, best two-way player of all time)

The winner should be, Pavel Datsyuk because he is the best two-way in the game today and has won this award several times before, but I feel this and the fact that point total has become a big factor in the award will cause Datsyuk not to win.

The winner is going to be Ryan Kesler because he is a new comer and had a big year for the Canucks, as Datsyuk didn't have as good of year as he normally does. This will weigh big on the voters minds.

Lady Bing Memorial Trophy:

The winner should be, Martin St. Louis. He should win because he doesn't take penalties and no one has a bad thing to say about him. With all the turmoil with the lightning the past two years, St. Louis definitely deserves it.

The winner is going to be Martin St. Louis because of what I just said and because of the fact Datsyuk has won the award the previous four years. It's hard to see the voters giving him the award five years in a row.

Calder Memorial Trophy:

The winner should be, Jimmy Howard because of what he did down the stretch for the Red Wings. The Red Wings were on the verge of missing the playoffs for the first time in eighteen years, but Detroit rode this rookie to a fourth place finish in the western conference finals. For this fact as well as he played college at the University of Maine he deserves to win.

The winner is going to be Tyler Myers because defensemen is the toughest position to play as a rookie in the NHL. Myers was in the the top ten in ice time and had a great plus/minus. What he did was very impressive because I know how hard it is to be a defensemen, but I am really pulling for Jimmy to win.

James Norris Trophy: (This award should be changed to the Robert Orr Award)

The winner should be, Drew Doughty. He's not going to win because he is young, I'm older than he is. His numbers are excellent for being in only his second year. He has the most hits out of these three and is easily the best defensemen in the game. He's not going to win this year, but he will win this award for probably the next 5 or 6 six years, he's that good.

The winner is going to be Duncan Keith because of his play for the Africanhawks during the postseason, which is stupid because this is a regular season award, and this is the same reason why Mike Green wont win the award. Keith had a huge postseason and easily could have won the Con Smythe award, but he will this trophy to his Stanley Cup. This award has become more of offensive numbers rather than being a true defensive player.

Jack Adams Award:

This award is the easiest to predict. The winner should be and will be Dave Tippett. This one is so simple because nothing was expected from the Coyotes this year and with all the turmoil about being bankrupt and moving to another city surrounding the team they exceeded expectations and made the playoffs as the 5th seed in the west. Dave Tippett deserves all the credit for making this team click and taking the defending western conference champions to seven games.

Hart Memorial Trophy:

The winner should be, Alexander Ovechkin His numbers this year are on par with his past two seasons as MVP of the league, and his team had the best record in the league by a huge margain, he was the best player on the best regular season team using this logic, but he wont win because a number of other Capital players had huge years including Backstrom, Theodore, and Green.

The winner will be Henrik Sedin because he had a breakout year even though his brother was out for a good portion of the year and he ended up leading the league in assists and points. No one really is a clear cut favorite, but because these were normal years for Crosby and Ovechkin, Sedin will end up getting the honor as MVP.

Lazy Sunday

2010-06-13T22:25:00.003-04:00

I just got two things on this Sunday. (Hopefully my Celtics will pull this one out tonight.)

My boy SaidDavid is definitely a fair weather fan. He jumped on the Chicago AfricanHawks and That bitch Patrick Kane's bandwagon. However this video of Kane is awesome.

View more news videos at: http://www.nbcchicago.com/video.

Secondly I saw this preview for the new season of Jersey Show. Check out Pauly D and Situations part. They are comedic gold. I cant wait for Butters and I trip to Jersey Shore. We are gonna fistpump like champs, and SMUSH with some ladies.

Jersey Shore - MTV Shows

Happy Birthday Robert Zimmerman

2010-05-24T17:58:00.005-04:00

It came to my attention at work that today is the birthday of the one and only Bob Dylan. While some say he was not blessed with the greatest voice of all-time (I find nothing wrong with it), he is one of the greatest musicians, song writers of all the times and has been a music icon for five decades. I'll leave you with five great Dylan tunes to listen to while celebrating his birthday.

Mr. Tambourine Man

The Hurricane

The Times They Are A-Changin

Masters of War (song starts after about 50 seconds)

Bob Dylan's MASTERS of WAR

Positively 4th Street

Bob Dylan - Positively 4th Street (Live)

The last two were really hard to find original versions.

The Office Drinking Game

2010-05-12T12:20:00.007-04:00

This might be the greatest drinking game ever. A few buddies of mine came up with this game last year in college, and I felt it necessary to post the rules to this game. It's very simple, all you have to do is drink every time one of these rules happens. If you love The Office, this game is definitely worth playing.

Rule 1: Anytime anyone looks at the camera.

Rule 2: Anytime someone does a confessional.

Rule 3: Anytime Micheal Scott makes an awkward situation.

Rule 4: Anytime Dwight says fact, question, or MICHEAL!!!

Rule 5: Anytime Jim plays a prank on Dwight.

Rule 6: Anytime Andy references Cornell, sings a song, or refers to Jim as Tuna.

Rule 7: Anytime Ryan is referred to as "The Temp".

Rule 8: Anytime Pam says "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam" or someone mentions that she failed art school.

Rule 9: Anytime Stanley is seen doing crossword puzzles.

Rule 10: Anytime Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration is mentioned.

Rule 11: Anytime Meredith drinks or appears drunk.

Rule 12: Anytime Angela shows/talks about cats.

Rule 13: Anytime anyone mentions Oscar being gay.

Rule 14: Anytime Kevin says nice or does a pound followed by an explosion.

Rule 15: Anytime Kelly goes on a long talk and no one responds.

Rule 16: Anytime Darryl gets frustrated with Micheal.

Rule 17: Anytime Toby gets made fun of by Micheal.

Rule 18: Anytime Micheal brings up unnecessarily that he had sex with a girl.

Rule 19: Anytime Creed talks because well lets face it, Creed is awesome.

Rule 20: Anytime someone says "That's What She Said".

When Rule 20 is said, this constitutes a social and everyone must finish their drink.

Now this show is easily the best on T.V., hands down, so I thought I share some hilarious clips of my five favorite characters:

1) Andy "The Nard Dog: Bernard

2)Creed Bratton

3) Stanley Hudson

4) The Temp

5) Dwight K. Schrute

Just like to point out in no way does this website condone underage drinking and my boys actually copyrighted this game, so don't bother trying to take credit for it.

Dear Macy's (and USI)

2010-04-12T21:48:00.003-04:00

I'M FREE

Pizza at gyms?

2010-04-07T19:17:00.003-04:00

Said David"I go to a gym and I won't lie... I eat whatever when ever I want. People go to the gym to lose weight, put muscle on, or just to get in shape right? The gym I go to and this is not a joke.... SERVES PIZZA (all kinds of pizza) ON THE FIRST OF THE MONTH!!!! A gym to become fit and healthy puts pizza in front of you. That is not even the worst part, the pizza is free free FREE free Free spear FREEEEEEEE! This gym puts FREE all you can eat pizza in front of fat peoples faces. I have a question, Does that seem odd to anyone? Thats like a dentist saying here is all you can drink soda, it's like a doctor saying here is all you can smoke smokes. It is so funny to me and I had to share."

P.S. Twister Bobby Orr sucks and he played fo the Burins.

A Man Who Redefined Hockey

2010-04-06T16:04:00.008-04:00

Today is an important day for all those puckheads out there. On this day back in 1970, Robert Gordon Orr became the first defensemen to win the Art Ross Trophy as the league leader in points. Orr would go on to win another scoring title in 1975. There is always going to be someone who leads the league in points, and Gretzky lead the league almost every year it seemed like, but what Orr did was incredible. He is still to this day, the only defensemen to lead the league in points and HE DID IT TWICE!!! He revolutionized the game, he was the first guy to take the puck from his own defensive end and skate the puck up to start the rush. Now I know my buddies of mine here at the site are going to say Gretzky, Lemieux, Howe, or Sakic are the greatest hockey players ever, but THAT IS NOT TRUE. Robert Gordon Orr is in a League of his own, and this day 40 years ago helped to begin his legacy as the greatest player (skater) to ever play the game of hockey. Orr is the reason I chose to play defense. He truly was the first true offensive defensemen.

Midweek Rant

2009-10-14T15:53:00.001-04:00

I work at a large department store, as a janitor. Yesterday (October 13th), I walked out from the back (where the housekeeping “office” is located) and noticed people were already putting Christmas decorations up in the store – lights, wreaths, red and green wallpaper. It was a truly sickening sight. I’ve worked here for a little over a year (meaning I dealt with this shit last year too). However, as bad as it is that they have the decorations up, some Christmas merchandise already for sale on the floor (as well as a shit load of fake trees out back), the worst part has yet to come – the music. Starting in about two weeks, all I will hear when I get to work is Christmas music; from the end of October until December 24th (amazingly they close on Christmas).

Last year, I heard the mixing in of Christmas songs at the end of October, and at first it wasn’t bad, considering the shitty music I’m forced to listen to on a regular basis. The X-Mas music began playing more and more often, until it was all that was playing. For two months it’s all I heard at work (along with the usual annoying customers and children). By Thanksgiving, I was already sick of Christmas and the season. I used to love Christmas, it was a great time to see family, eat food and exchange gifts. Now, I dread the time of year because before Halloween the Christmas “spirit” is getting shoved down my throat. Fuck you for ruining Christmas, you fucks.

Happy Birthday Paul Pierce

2009-10-13T15:07:00.009-04:00

First and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL PIERCE!!! You are the man. I've grown up in New England my whole life and the only regional time I support is The Boston Celtics, and since Pierce got drafted by the Celtics he has been my favorite player in the league. I really hate basketball and for anyone out there who hates basketball as well or Pierce, check out this video right here,

Anyone who cant respect this man for his journey, both physical and emotional, is not human. This man has done whatever he can to be considered one of the true Celtic greats. And after Banner 17, he got his own. I stayed up and watched the whole series against the Lakers. He shut down "THE RAPE ARTIST" Kobe, and got Finals MVP for his efforts, Watching videos of that series never get old. The Celtics rule, and the Lakers can go molest little girls for all I care. One of my favorite moments of Paul Pierce is right here (check out how visibly tired Pierce is at the end. He is spent, that's the effort that makes him a true CELTIC),

Lastly read the following article from SI to gain some respect for this man. Paul Pierce is one of my favorite athletes if not human beings for the work he does. I cried a bunch when I read the article, it's that touching. Once again, Happy Birthday Truth. Bring Banner 18 this June, I cant wait.

SI Article: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1149382/index.htm

Don't Blame the Closer

2009-10-12T14:22:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was not a good day for Boston fans. New England blew a ten point lead to Denver and Jonathan Papelbon, shockingly, blew a lead in a playoff game (at least the Celtics won their preseason game). Prior to yesterday, Paps had not allowed a run in twenty seven postseason innings. To all those Red Sox fans who want him traded (and presumably Bard installed as the new closer), shut up. Sure, Paps struggled early in the season, but in the second half of the year, he had numbers more in line with his career averages (5.83 K/BB and .897 WHIP). There is also the fact that Bard isn’t ready to close and he might not have the mental makeup to do it. Trading Papelbon would weaken the strong point of this team (bullpen) and probably wouldn’t add enough to jolt the lineup.

The real problem with this team is the lineup. It should be better next year, with a full season of Victor Martinez at catcher (picking up his option is a no brainer). Bay is a free agent and an option is held on Alex Gonzalez. Other than that, the starters are under contract. So what can be done to make the lineup more productive? Here is my plan to improve the lineup (as well as the defense).

I would pick up the option on Gonzalez and platoon him with Lowrie at shortstop. Offer Bay (and Wagner) arbitration and let them walk. Take the four picks and re-tool the farm system. If Tampa Bay declines their option on Carl Crawford, make a run for him to play LF. If that fails (or TB picks up the option), go after Chone Figgins to play left. Either one of them would be a great improvement in defense over Bay (especially away from Boston), and they would add another element of speed (along with Ellsbury) in the lineup. Yes, it takes some power away, but I have an idea for that as well. It is very possible that either Prince Fielder or Adrian Gonzalez could be available via trade this winter (no facts to back that up, just rumors that have been reported). Lars Anderson/Michael Bowden/Ryan Kalish/Stolmy Pimental could be a good base offer, maybe subbing in Daniel Bard for one of them (most likely Bowden); I would hate to see Casey Kelly get moved, but if it brought Gonzalez back, I’d do it. It would look like this would cripple the farm system; however, with Bay and Wagner leaving the Red Sox should be able to acquire two first round picks (maybe a second rounder at worst) and two sandwich picks to replenish the farm. This would leave a lineup of 1. Ellsbury 2. Crawford/Figgins 3. Martinez 4. Gonzalez/Fielder 5.Youkilis 6. Pedroia 7. Ortiz 8. Drew 9. Gonzalez/Lowrie.

The rotation looks set, as long as Dicek can come back healthy next year. Maybe take a one year flier (I know it didn’t work this year, but it never hurts) on a guy like Erik Bedard or Rich Harden to add some depth. That would leave a rotation of Beckett/Lester/Dicek/Buchholz/Wakefield and one of the recovering starters. With the bullpen, I’d like to see Saito stick around (pick up his option too). This would leave Paps, Saito, Okajima, Delcarmen, Ramirez and possibly Bard as the main men. The only thing needed would be another lefty, maybe Ron Mahay (external option) or Hunter Jones (internal option).

The team, constructed this way, would be able to attack pitchers a variety of ways – speed, power and ability to wear them out. The pitching staff would be just as good (maybe better if more progression is made by Buchholz, and Wakefield is able to comeback) as this season, especially if Papelbon is still closing games.

Another Favre Story. Great.

2009-10-09T13:53:00.008-04:00

You may have heard(or may not have, though I don't know how that could have happened) that Brett Favre is the starting quarterback for the Vikings. Over the past three years, stories about Favre have been beaten more than Rihanna. Thursday was no different -- my favorite Maine Campus author penned an article about Favre.

I’m 22 years old. I’m a fifth-year senior in college

I am divorced. And I live in van down by the river!

I’ve been watching Brett Favre and marveling about the things he does on a football field that continues to this day.

Throwing the most interceptions of all time?

As I referenced in last week’s column, the typical drop-back, pocket passer is gradually becoming less relevant due to the speed of defenses these days.

It's still as false as it was last week. Of the five best QBs in the NFL (in no order - Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Ben Roethlisberger and Phillip Rivers), only Roethlisberger could be considered mobile. Also consider the wave of young QBs (Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco, Matt Stafford, Mark Sanchez). They are pocket passers.

However, the most impressive guys at that position have still been able to rely on their arm strength and knowledge of defenses to have success

Is there a good QB in the NFL that doesn't have knowledge of the opposing defense?

Tom Brady and Peyton Manning are not typically recognized for their ability to escape the pass-rush

But drop back passers are becoming irrelevant! Brady and Manning should be looking over their shoulders.

They seem to always know who’s going to be open and where the ball should go depending on coverage.

Good quarterbacks can read defenses. They spend all week practicing and watching film of opposing teams.

After three years of his inability to retire, Favre has found himself playing for the Minnesota Vikings.

It's not an inability to retire. He hates going to training camp, an activity everyone in the league has to do.

After the 2006 season, Favre retired,

Actually, he didn't retire then; he was only thinking about it.

He played one season with the Jets and made them a playoff contender until their last regular season game

Where he threw the season away, divided the locker room and got the coach fired. While the Jets former starting quarterback won the division with the Dolphins. And if I recall correctly, they needed about fifteen things to go their way to even make the playoffs in the last game (after blowing a two or three game division lead).

The Jets had already picked USC quarterback Mark Sanchez in the draft, so he signed with the Packers NFC North rival, Vikings

After he begged the Jets to release him and then spending two months flying between Mississippi and Minnesota before claiming he wouldn't sign. He then signed two weeks later.

Most people would be playing golf and drinking Coronas on South Beach. But Favre is different

When all is done, he wants to farm

But his performance against his former employer has made me realize something:

I bet it's going to be something groundbreaking.

Love of the game is more powerful than any other variable

Really? So if I love the game enough, I could go play pro baseball (despite my inability to hit when I played in Little League)?

After all, football is still a game

A game that requires you to be in top physical condition (unless you're JaMarcus Russell) and have a pain tolerance large enough to take hits from 300 pound linemen.

Favre looks like a 13-year old girl at a Backstreet Boys concert when he steps on the gridiron.

HE PLAYS THE GAME LIKE A KID! HE IS REALLY ENJOYING HIMSELF OUT THERE!

Somebody give this man a backstage pass.

He could probably get them to play a private concert (he has plenty of money) and, you know, if they were still a band (and didn't suck)

College Quarterbacks Love Tim Tebow

2009-10-02T12:50:00.006-04:00

Last Spring, while reading the Maine Campus, I read an article about how Tim Duncan was overrated. After that, I read most of the articles that this guy wrote, most of them being just as bad as the last. Since Twister and I opened up this blog, I figured it would be a good place for me to let my feelings out about how much his articles suck, and do it in a style of one of my favorite blogs. This week's topic -- Tim Tebow

The first two paragraphs contain nothing new, basically saying that Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy and Tim Tebow could win the Heisman again and the draft status of the first two.

After Bradford would come McCoy, again early in the first round because of his athleticism and efficiency. But most analysts could not come to an agreement on where Tim Tebow would be drafted.

I think most of them agreed Tebow wouldn’t be picked in the first round.

Their justification is that Tebow is a thick, physical player who likes to run over linebackers and doesn’t always rely on his pinpoint accuracy to be successful. In the NFL, passing windows get smaller and a quarterback is required to fit the pigskin into areas with a much lesser margin for error.

That isn’t a justification; it’s a fact.

This column is dedicated to NFL draft-analysts Todd McShay and Mel Kiper Jr. If any NFL general managers are reading this column (which is as good a chance as Orlando Pace beating Usain Bolt in the 100-meter dash), you could learn a few things too.

Apparently you know more than the people who get paid to study and build the future of their teams from the draft. I know where I’m going for my mock draft next April. Orlando Pace? Really? He hasn’t been good/healthy for five years. You couldn’t have picked a good LT to use for the metaphor?

Tim Tebow is an NFL quarterback.

Actually, he is currently a college quarterback, but since you say it, it must be true

He plays in the most competitive conference in college football and has had consistent success since his first day in Gainesville.

His first year in Gainesville, he backed up Chris Leak.

He has won two national championships in three years there

Chris Leak was the starting quarterback for the first one.

If their reasoning is that he plays in a spread offense, something that is as uncommon in the NFL as a Ryan Leaf touchdown pass,

Or as uncommon as a Mike Brusko touchdown pass. The last spread QB drafted in the first round (also coached by Urban Meyer) – Alex Smith.

The standard drop-back passer is gradually fading out

Out of the last ten Superbowl winners, there is only one I would consider a mobile QB (Roethlisberger) and he isn’t exactly fleet of foot.

The wildcat has become more prevalent at the highest level and its effectiveness can’t be debated.

Except that it hasn’t been as effective this year.

After all, what do you look for in a quarterback?

Strong arm, good accuracy, ability to read a defense, understand the playbook.

If your answer isn’t a guy who wins games, I wouldn’t want to play for you either.

Jack Cosgrove, you’re on notice.

The Smoking Gun

2009-08-31T20:52:00.005-04:00

Now normally not alot of shit happens here in Orono, ME, but apparently 2 college students were able to get it on ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. Here at the relatively quiet Univsity of Maine, news travels fast and these students are now front page news on The Smoking Gun. Here is the link,

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0828091maine1.html?link=rssfeed

This story is awesome!!! What makes this story even funnier is that I know the dude, he was my roommate freshmen year and we went high school together. He must feel like a douche. I'm just here laughing my ass off. I found this story out yesterday and still haven't stopped laughing. Everyone here on campus is talking about it. They were doing it on the side of the road at 5:45 am. How dumb is that? Seriously, apparently somebody didn't learn too much at school.

I hope everyone enjoys this story as much as i do. Oh by the way, when the court date happens this story will get better when the test comes back positive and he gets the news that he is a father.

My Top 15 Pearl Jam Songs

2009-08-27T12:29:00.005-04:00

My top fifteen Pearl Jam songs. This was an extremely tough list to make; originally, this was going to be a top five, then top ten but because of Pearl Jam’s awesomeness it was extended to fifteen. There are no write-ups for any of the songs, as my words would not do them justice, just listen to the music.

15. Betterman - Vitalogy

14. W.M.A. – Vs.

13. State of Love and Trust – Singles soundtrack

12. Alive - Ten

11. Marker in the Sand – Pearl Jam

10. Corduroy – Vitalogy

9. Go – Vs.

8. Gone – Pearl Jam

7. Leash - Vs.

6. Indifference – Vs.

5. Do the Evolution - Yield

4. Black - Ten

3. Porch - Ten

2. Given to Fly - Yield

1. Yellow Ledbetter – Lost Dogs

They are the best band of my lifetime. Next week I will post my top Pearl Jam covers

Monday Madness

2009-07-20T16:23:00.002-04:00

I have a couple of things to rant about today. First off, today is apparently the 40th anniversary of the first man on the moon, but how can that be when it was filmed in a Hollywood bunker? NO MAN has ever walked on the moon, the government made that shit up to scare Mother Russia because they were locked in a vicious cold war. Our government has always been corrupt and the moon landing is just another bogus story. My 2nd rant in on Micheal Vick. MICHEAL VICK IS A FREE MAN!!! I've waited for this day for awhile. I love the Hotlanta Falcons, (football is very gay by the way), but he did not hurt any dogs. He is great for the sport and deserves to be back in the National Football League. I'm so happy he has paid his debt to society, even thought he was screwed. I'm gonna laugh when he leads his new team to the Super Bowl.

Happy Birthday OJ

2009-07-08T20:27:00.003-04:00

I know alot of people out there hate Orenthal James Simpson, but I think he is awesome. So I'd like to congratulate him on his 62nd birthday. He was an amazing talent, sadly he went to the University of Spoiled Children, he did win the heisman trophy. Orenthal was awesome and HE DIDN'T KILL NOBODY!! OJ'S INNOCENT I TELL YA, INNOCENT!! And his recent trouble with the law is just ridiculous because he just wanted his stuff back man. He signed it, it's his stuff. Those guys with them set him up. Another thing isn't it kinda strange that 13 years to the DAY that he was found innocent of murder, he was found guilty on all those charges? It's a conspiracy i tell ya. He was set up hardcore. So hopefully today on his birthday, Orenthal James simspon had a great day and my wish for him is one day to have his name cleared.

Happy Birthday Orenthal!!

June 25th Sucked

2009-06-26T12:32:00.006-04:00

I'm so glad today is my birthday because yesterday completely sucked. First off I had to work and during it my friends texted me saying Micheal Jackson died. I'm surprised I didn't cry. I had to hold myself together. I've never been a huge fan of pop, but the black Micheal had some great songs including A.B.C, Thriller, Smooth Criminal, and my personal favorite Billie Jean. Everytime I hear that song I get up and dance because the kid is not my son.

Second I found out that my favorite hockey player ever, Sergei Fedorov, signed a two-year deal in KHL which means his career in the NHL is done. I knew this day was coming because he has been playing for almost 20 years, but I still wasn't prepared. Now I can no longer watch him raise the cup. Once he retires, Detroit better retire his jersey, and if he is not a first ballot hall of famer, i'll be shocked. Yesterday really sucked, hardcore. Thankfully those did not happen on my birthday. Here are a couple links to remind people of the days when these men were god,

Billie Jean video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En-cHBv7UpA

Sergei Fedorov Highlights:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWTJzX8muUA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN_RmZ9WgDE

2009 French Open Predictions

2009-05-24T12:52:00.004-04:00

Here at Melrose's Mullet we are interested in the French Open and are going to give our predictions/odds are who is going to win the Women's draw. Hold on a sec, no one out there probably cares about our predictions, so here are a few of the lovely ladies that we hope go far, I hope you guys enjoy.

By the way, I hope anybody wins besides Federer on the Men's side because I do not want him to tie my boy Sampras's record of 14 Grand Slam Titles, my money is on Nadal to win.

NHL Playoff Awards

2009-05-22T11:21:00.015-04:00

Here at Melrose's Mullet, we are big fans of the NHL and as the playoffs are headed to the Stanley Cup Final, we thought we would give our list of playoff awards, here are the gentlemen that stood out from the rest. I hope you enjoy brahs.

Best Playoff Beard

This award clearly goes to Dan Cleary of the Detroit Red Wings. Now this guy can grow some hair. This man has been down right nasty for the Wings this year and has been sporting a great beard. This is why the NHL playoffs are awesome because of the tradition and Cleary is clearly head and shoulders above the rest with his sick beard.

Best Mullet

Hands down this has to go to Simeon Varlamov. I know he is relatively knew, and he let down my Capitals in game 7 against the Pens, but he did rock the sweetest mullet. I think it is because he is from Russia and he must be good friends with our leader, Barry Melrose. Hopefully next year he wont blow it, but until then here is awesome Mullet.

Funniest Moment

This award easily goes to Scott Walker of the Carolina Hurricanes, twice. First his so called "sucker punch" on Aaron Ward was awesome. That was just a simply great punch, Ward should have been ready, it's the playoffs games are meant to be physical. Then second, to top it off Walker scores the game winning goal in Boston in OT during Game 7. That placed went silent. I laughed my ass off. Thanks Scott for shutting up my friend Tom Tom.

Biggest Cry Baby

This award was the easiest to decide. Who else could it go to other than Sid "the Overrated" Kid? That's right, no one. If he does not get his way, he cries. (and he can't grow facial hair, he looks like a turrible knucklehead) I hate him with a passion. Everybody in the NHL loves him, I'd take Ovechkin over him everyday. So Sid, go shut-up before I kick the living shit out of you.

Sweetest Hockey Name

Another Red Wings gets on our list and his name is Valtteri Filppula. Now it is very tough to pronounce his name, it took awhile for me to figure out how to say it, but it is a great name. There are alot of European players in the playoffs with sweet names, but I had to pick Filppula and he has been doing well for the Wings this postseason.

Best Hitter

This award goes to Niklas Kronwall of the Detroit Red Wings. His hit on Martin Havlat during Game 3 of the Western Conference Finals shows why. It was down right nasty. That was a turrible decision by the refs to throw him out. It clearly was a good hit, and the replays showed this. If an opposing player has his head down, he'll hit them. He has mastered the big hit at the offensive blue line. All players should learn from him.

Biggest Choke Artist

This was a tight battle (could have gone to the bruins or devils), but the winner is No Show Joe and the San Jose Sharks. After winning the President's Trophy, "The Best Team in the League" loses in the first round. How could you not find this funny. I laughed my ass off when they lost. I know they lost to the Ducks and Ryan Getzlaf deserves a lot more respect because he is really underrated, but Jonas Hiller was their goalie. He never played in the playoffs before. This just proves that No Show is highly overrated and sucks in the postseason.

How Turrible the NBA Final Four Will Be

2009-05-20T10:53:00.004-04:00

I can not express how deeply saddened I am as a Boston Celtics fan to watch the rest of the NBA playoffs. Scratch that, I will not be watching the NBA playoffs anymo. I HATE the LAKERS, I HATE the LEBRONS, I HATE the ORLANDO THREE-POINTERS, and I don't really like the NUGGETS. If I have to root for someone it would have to be the Nuggets. That team intrigues me becasue of the BIRDMAN and MELO. Birdmans' tattoos are sweet and his hairdo is awesome. I've really jumped on his bandwagon, and I would take Melo' over any of the other draft picks from 2003. The only thing though is that they have to play the Lakers and I can not watch that, unless they are up 24 in LA and beating the Celtics during the NBA Finals. I despise how everyone thinks Sasha "A road cone can play better defense than me" Vujacic is good or the fact that Odom, Bynum or Gasol are excellent players. They are all overrated and don't even get me started on Kobe's new movie. (Kobe just come out and say that you are the most selfish player in the NBA and got away with rape.)

Now onto to the Eastern Conference, this is the worst match-up ever. I do not want to see Anderson Varejo slap anymo butts. Honestly if one of his teammates falls down on the other side of the court, he rushes over and picks him up and slaps his ass. Just come out Brah, seriously. The Magic think they have the best center in the league in Duh...Duh...Duh-White Howard, but he sucks. All they do is shoot three pointers, they are the Dukies of the NBA. He-Doo Turk-A-Glue needs to go back to Europe. So as the the NBA season wines down, and nobody is watching the NBA finals because when it's Kobe vs. Lebron, (this match-up was already pre-determined by Stern and Donaghy after the Olympics) I'll be watching the NHL playoffs and watchin my Red Wings repeat.

Congrats Sir Mullet

2009-05-19T14:50:00.003-04:00

Congratulations to our founder Barry Melrose and his 31 years to his wonderful wife Cindy. Today is there wedding anniversary. Making it that far with a man who still rocks a mullet is incredible. As a hockey fan and playing it for most of my life, I do not think I could find a wife who would be there for me for 31 years while having a mullet. That is impressive Cindy. On another note, Barry what is up with you tanning? Hockey players don't tan, but you still are the man. Here is to you Cindy and Barry!

The Melrose's Mullet Mock NFL Draft

2009-04-20T15:10:00.003-04:00

I know all of you have been waiting for this and here it is: our mock draft.

1. Lions – Shane Falco, QB (The Replacements). The Lions are going quarterback with the #1 pick, and since they are the Lions, they will pick a guy worse than Joey Harrington.
2. Rams – Billy Bob, OL (Varsity Blues). The Rams need to bolster their offensive line, and adding Billy Bob at guard should give Stephen Jackson more holes to run through.
3. Kansas City – Jumbo, OT (The Replacements). The Chiefs add a big left tackle to protect Matt Cassel’s blind side.
4. Seattle – Ronnie Bass, QB (Remember the Titans). With Matt Hasselbeck getting up there in age, the Seahawks get his eventual replacement. Bass has a strong arm, but has had some issues pitching the ball
5. Cleveland - Charlie Tweeder, WR (Varsity Blues). The Browns add a sure handed receiver to play with Braylon 'rock hands' Edwards. Then Tweeder will drink some beer.
6. Cincinnati - Jamal and Andre Jackson, OG (The Replacements). These brothers come as a package deal and should be a great help to Cincinnati’s awful O-Line. They should fit right in with the rest of the team as well.
7. Oakland – Forrest Gump, KR (Forrest Gump). We all know that Al Davis loves him some fast players and there is no one faster than Forrest Gump. While he may not be able to play receiver right away, he should be able to be the best kick returner in the league immediately. Even though he isn’t a smart man, he knows how to play football.
8. Jacksonville Jaguars – Jonathan Moxin, QB (Varsity Blues). Garrard is in his 30s and struggled last season. Moxin can watch a year or two from the bench before taking over the starting job.
9. Green Bay Packers – Bobby Boucher, ILB/OLB (The Waterboy). With the Packers switching to the 3-4, they need to bolster their linebacker core. Boucher can play both ILB and OLB, will be a menace to block and will provide the team with high quality H20.
10. San Francisco 49ers – Luther Lavay, OLB (Any Given Sunday). The 49ers need a pass rusher and Lavay is one of the top pass rushers in the draft.
11. Buffalo Bills – Wendell Brown, RB (Varsity Blues). With Marshawn in legal trouble, the Bills snag a very good running back here. Brown will carry the team inside the 10 and then Trent Edwards will get them to the endzone.
12. Denver Broncos – Steve Lattimer, DE/DT (The Program). Lattimer is a freak that can anchor a 3-4 defense. He could go top 5, but because of possible off field issues, he drops here.
13. Washington Redskins – Willie Beamen, QB (Any Given Sunday). Not impressed with Jason Campbell so far, the Redskins draft another QB. Beamen is a playmaker but his ego tends to get a bit inflated and he can’t read a playbook.
14. New Orleans Saints – Petey Jones, DB (Remember the Titans). The Saints desperately need defensive help and Petey can come in and provide that. His ego grows with each play he makes, but he will quit on the team if he gets called for holding.
15. Houston Texans – Julius Campbell, DE (Remember the Titans). Campbell should provide an imposing presence opposite of Mario Williams. STRONG SIDE!
16. San Diego Chargers – Ivory Christian, DE (Friday Night Lights). Christian is a huge upgrade to the Chargers defensive line.
17. New York Jets – Rico Dynamite, QB (Napoleon Dynamite). Had the Jets had Rico in the 4th quarter, they would have division champions. No doubt in my mind.
18. Denver Broncos – Daniel Bateman, LB (The Replacements). The Broncos need an ILB for their 3-4 and Bateman is a smart football player, similar to Tedy Bruschi.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Paul Crewe, QB (The Longest Yard). In need of QB, the Bucs take the man that led an improbable upset over the guards. If Crewe can get a work release from prison, he is a great pick here.
20. Detroit Lions – Louie Lastik, OL (Remember the Titans). They got their QB with the first pick, now they pick up a lineman to help protect him.
21. Philadelphia Eagles – Brian Murphy, TE (The Replacements). The Eagles add a playmaker for McNabb. McNabb won’t have to worry about his new TE throwing him under the bus because he doesn’t say a whole lot.
22. Minnesota Vikings – Rod Tidwell, WR (Jerry Maguire). Tidwell gives the Vikings a reliable receiver, as long as the show him the money.
23. New England Patriots - Charles Jefferson, LB (Fast Times at Ridgemont High). Jefferson replaces Mike Vrabel at OLB and Bill Belichick is working on getting Jeff Spicoli to destroy Jefferson’s car and blame it on the Jets.
24. Atlanta Falcons - Andre Krimm, DL (Necessary Roughness). Good value pick for the Falcons here. Krimm gives them good depth on the defensive line and he can be the team tutor.
25. Miami Dolphins - Alvin Mack, LB (The Program). Mack could have gone in the top half of the draft, but falls this far because of injury problems. If he is healthy, it’s a great pick for Miami
26. Baltimore Ravens - Deacon Moss, WR (The Longest Yard). Baltimore gives Joe Flacco another receiver to stare down.
27. Indianapolis Colts – Darnell Jefferson, RB (The Program). With Addai disappointing the last couple of seasons, the Colts address their need at RB. Jefferson has a lot of upside and could be a star in the NFL
28. Buffalo Bills – Bud Light, OL (The Program). Buffalo’s overhaul of their offensive line continues. Bud Light should be able to come in and play LT right away.
29. New York Giants - Daniel Ruetigger, LB/DE (Rudy). Just because the Giants fucking would.
30. Tennessee Titans – Stefan Djordevic, CB (All the Right Moves). While very talented, Djordevic falls almost out of the first round because he is only five feet tall.
31. Arizona Cardinals – Julian Washington, RB (Any Given Sunday). The Cardinals had the corpse of Edgerrin James at running back last season. Washington going to Arizona gives the Cards one of the best offenses in the NFL.
32. Pittsburgh Steelers – Manumana, C (Necessary Roughness). The only knock on the Steelers last season was that their offensive line sucked. Manumana helps shore it up and keep Roethlisberger on his feet.

Ana Ivanovic

2009-01-23T13:03:00.007-05:00

It's a sad day today here at Melrose's Mullet. Waking up this morning I was severely upset over the news that Ana Ivanovic lost at the Australian Open this morning. This means I can't look at her smokin body (cough..fashion) and seeing her play. Having a huge crush on her, I realize there is only one way to get over my tears and that is to post these cute pictures of her looking hot as hell. The great part about her is that she is only two years older than I. Enjoy the beauty that is Ana:

Greatest Russian Hockey Players of All the Times

2009-01-17T15:23:00.025-05:00

Long have Russian players had an effect on the game of hockey. Since the power house Olympic teams of the mid 1900's to the great Red Army to the players defecting to the NHL in the late 1980's there have always been dominant hockey players from Mother Russia. Here is my list of the 10 greatest Russian Born Players to ever play the game of Hockey:

10) Pavel Bure

One of the fastest players ever to play the game of hockey. Had a natural scoring ability that led to him leading the NHL in scoring three times. Won the Calder Trophy in 1992 and was nicknamed "The Russian Rocket." Holds franchise records for both the Vancouver Canucks and Florida Panthers.

9) Alexander Ovechkin

Has already made an immediate impact on the NHL. Won the Calder Trophy as Rookie of the Year in 2006. In 2008 became the first player ever to win the Rocket Richard, Art Ross, Lester B. Pearson, and the Hart Memorial Trophies in the same year. Has the record for most goals in a season with 65. When he retires he will be much higher on this list.

8) Aleksandr Maltsev

The all-time leader in international goals for Russians with 213. Won two Olympic Gold Medals during the 1970's. After being a six time Soviet All-star, he was inducted to the IIHF in 1999.

7) Alexander Mogilny

After defecting to the NHL in 1989, the first Russian to do so, Mogilny had an immediate impact. Scored 76 goals in 77 games in the 1992-93 season. Won an Olympic Gold medal in 1988 and a Stanley Cup in 2000. He retired as the second leading scorer for a Russian Born player. Also he wore number 89, cant go wrong with a dude who wears that.

6) Valery Kharlamov

Gained fame for his amazing play at the 1972 Summit Series against Canada, and went on to win two Olympic Gold Medals. One of six players to be voted to the IIHF Team of the Century. Tragically his playing career was cut short when he died in a car crash at the age of 33.

5) Boris Mikhailov

Long time captain of the Soviet National team, won two gold medals at the Olympics with his stellar play. In the Soviet League play he scored a total of 427 goals in only 572 games. Also a two time Soviet MVP.

4) Igor Larinov

One of the first players from Russia to defect to the NHL, was part of the great "Russian Five" line that helped Detroit win back to back Stanley Cups. One of only two players ever to win gold at the Olympics, World Championships, Canada Cup, World Junior Championships, and a Stanley Cup.

3) Viacheslav Fetisov

From winning Gold medals to two Stanley Cups, Fetisov has been an instrumental part of hockey. One of the first Russian players to defect to the NHL. Back in his prime, people referred to him as the Russian Bobby Orr.

2) Sergei Fedorov

Three time Stanley Cup trophy winner, Hart Memorial winner in 1994, two time Frank J. Selke winner, first Russian to score 1000 points in the NHL, most goals scored in the NHL by a Russian and he hooked up with Anna Kournikova, need I say more?

1) Vladislav Tretiak

Back stopped the Olympic team to three gold medals and a silver as well as 9 gold medals at the World Championships. Greatest goaltender to ever play the game.

Welcome to Melrose's Mullet

2009-01-16T19:53:00.003-05:00

Welcome to Melrose's Mullet, named after the great Barry Melrose. The authors will be myself, Butters and my friend Twister. Topics will be whatever the hell we feel like writing about (ranging my UMaine sports to Erin Andrews). As a thank you for reading this shitty post, here is a picture of Maine native, the glorious Erin Andrews: